


The Infamous Smuppet Show Stream

by Fawx



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Multi, Plush Rumps, Post-Scratch, Smuppets, fun with Dirk and Jade, voyeurism?, where even did this come from
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:58:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fawx/pseuds/Fawx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's amazing the things people will get up to when they think no one is watching. Dirk is amused. Jade understands the smuppets, and they understand her. It's all Dave and John's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Infamous Smuppet Show Stream

The Infamous Smuppet Show Stream

Chapter One

\--

**[Plushrumps.Com Live Feed Dec. 03**

**7:28:12 PM CST]**

The camera is half obscured by a brown-orange blur, the rest showing a slightly skewed perspective of a familiar interior. Anyone who regulars at plushbttsforum.com knows it. However, it's more brightly lit than usual. There is motion, shadows. A memorable silhouette passes in front of the camera, followed by a second, completely unrecognizable shadow.

"Holy crap! Are those them?"

"Are these they. Grammar, Harley."

The first voice is female. Sweet, enthusiastic. The eponymous 'Harley' seems the excitable type. The second voice is quiet, male, not unknown to the regular (or even casual) viewer of PlushRumps.

"Shush. Oh man, look at this one. You made this."

"Yes."

"You actually took the time to make this." 'Harley' sounds less incredulous than amused, deeply. "I can't believe you made this. Look at these eyes. Just... oh my god. The unspeakable torments these eyes have seen."

The second voice, obviously the PuppetMaster, is muffled by distance. "I didn't make all of them."

"Look at this lovingly crafted puppet butt. No wonder Dave's so screwy about mentioning these things." There's a moment of silence, and 'Harley' laughs. "Oh Jesus, oh god, did you make your puppet a little puppet fuck-hole? Oh my god."

The PuppetMaster's voice is still muffled. There are the sounds of plates and cutlery being moved about. "Well, one must adapt to demand. I figure it couldn't hurt to make things more realistic."

"Oh yeah, this is totally realistic. I'm feeling the realness of this right now."

The camera is shuffled and the brown-orange blur is dispelled; it comes into focus as a takeout bag for a Chinese food restaurant.

A glove-clad hand begins to remove takeout containers from the bag, and the second shadow sits near the camera. The Camera readjusts its lens and Harley comes into focus.

She still has a puppet in her hands. She's grinning in absolute delight over the thing, cheeks rosy and eyes scrunched up in mirth between large, round glasses. She has long black hair tucked under a dark green knit hat and her smile is buck-toothed but endearing because of that.

-in the liveblog irc channel the feed goes eerily silent until MackMuppet0070 posts: shit shes hottt. This is followed by a string of agreements from other irc regulars, as well as speculation over whether or not Miss Harley (as she is instantly dubbed) has been duped by their skilled PuppetMaster into this interaction, or if she is a willing participant in what will surely be some steamy visuals this evening.

No one in IRC mentions the fact that Thursday evenings are the regular livestream broadcasts and that this is one: much too early for a regular stream and two: Friday. -

 

Harley sets the puppet down next to her plate, accepts a pair of chopsticks from PuppetMaster (of whom only the curve of a shoulder and occasionally his gloved hand can be seen) with thanks. Their conversation continues fluidly on the topic of puppets and the fringe society dedicated to their more sexual nature for a few minutes before the PuppetMaster hangs Harley up with a single question.

"So, of all the fine and willing gentlemen you could be spending your time with this evening, why me?"

Harley scowls and stabs at her plate.

-The IRC channel grows eerily silent again, even the normal chatter abates to pay attention to her answer.-

"Well, you know it's Dave's birthday."

"He's my Bro, of course I do."

-There's a brief flare in IRC over PuppetMaster's reply. Bro? as in actual brother or a friend? Just where is this going? This isn't how the livestream normally goes.-

"Exactly. So shouldn't we all be celebrating together? Last year we all got together on Rose's birthday, and the year before it was mine-"

"Happy belated, by the way," Puppetmaster interjects, and Harley beams at him. There is another brief flare from IRC to the note of 'OMG DAT GRIN'

"Thanks. But, you see my point, right? I mean, I don't want to bitch at them because they're grossly stupid in love and need to have their cool totally not ironic boyfriend time, but... the birthdays are sacred, Bro. It kind of sucks to be put to the side by my best palhoncho and my actual brother."

Harley goes quiet and pokes at her plate for a moment. "I just kind of feel left out. I didn't celebrate on my own because I wanted to celebrate with them, and then Rose had to fly off to parts unknown, and it's just lonely."

-IRC explodes for a good five minutes with a stream of 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS HARLEY I'LL MAKE IT SO HAPPY FOR YOU' and 'she is so cute omg why' and 'what asshole wouldnt spend his birthday with that fine girl right thurr' and 'where the fuck are the puppets?!" The latter statement is quickly drowned by a stream of veritable worship and birthday well-wishing towards Miss Harley.

"Which is entirely understandable." PuppetMaster replies, "but still doesn't answer the 'why me' question."

Harley looks up from her food, shrugging her arms and scrunching her nose in an expression of pure 'are you stupid?' "Duh, Bro, you're always at The Birthdays. They left you out, too. And since Rose is in LA who the hell else am I going to celebrate with?"

"Talk about damning with faint praise," PuppetMaster says, and Harley flicks a gob of food at him.

"Shut up, you know there was no damning or faintness. Stop being a jerk."

"Excuse you, I am the opposite of jerk. There is nothing but princely gentlemanliness stored in this great and manful heart." PuppetMaster heaves a sigh. “You’re going to crack this solid Strider exterior and cause a great tide of weeping, Harley.”

-IRC is inundated with a stream of regulars simply posting 'oh' and 'oh, my.'-

"Princely Gentlemanliness and Puppet Porn," Harley corrects, pointing at him with her chopsticks. “Your heart is so full of love that it is vaguely sickening!”  PuppetMaster's visible shoulder rises in a shrug.

"Got my Bro to college, didn't it?"

Harley's grin is unwavering, and there is another string of love confessions from IRC, as well as the apparent confusion over PuppetMaster's 'Bro' and whether or not he is the aforementioned 'Dave.'

"On the back of sexy plush shenanigans. You know he's never going to be able to look at his degree without imagining years of perceived emotional abuse in regards to puppets and the sexuality thereof."

PuppetMaster laughs. IRC goes down for five minutes, but the stream continues unabated. The hits counter on the stream site begins to rise at an alarming rate.

"If I didn't KNOW Rose said that first," PuppetMaster says through his mirth. Harley is laughing as well, waving a hand in the air.

\- CoolPlushHepcat in IRC manages to break through the sudden IRC lag long enough to say 'Are we supposed to be watching this? I don't think they know the camera is on.' But the statement is buried under another stream of chatter. -

PuppetMaster and Harley chat along the same lines for another few moments. Plates are cleared and taken to the kitchen. Their chatter is dim but as they return to the area of the microphone’s reach Harley is finishing a sentence with “-to hear one more 2001 reference joke I’m going to shoot someone and it isn’t going to be pretty.”

“Shooting someone generally isn’t,” PuppetMaster points out, and Harley is seen shrugging as she comes back into view.

“Point, but seriously, there are so many ‘I can’t let you do that, Dave’ jokes he can make in a day before I want to strangle both of them.” She holds up her hands to stave off an apparent retort. “Not that I can begrudge them their cutesy time but there is only so much my sanity can take.” To the apoplectic joy of IRC, Harley snatches up the puppet that had been abandoned earlier. She moves it about between her hands, smiling down at it like an old friend. “Arthour understands.” Her hands move the puppet like a child with a plain plush toy but the IRC regulars are enraptured. Harley clears her throat and says in an amusingly off-point pseudo regency voice, “A lady of such demure class should not be subjected to such terrible jokes!”

PuppetMaster is silent for a moment. “You didn’t just name that Smuppet Arthour.”

Harley nods solemnly, clutching the dubbed ‘Arthour’ to her chest. “I did, and he understands me. He knows what it’s like to live with a maniac.”

“Are you hinting at something?”

Harley grins at him, eyebrows lifting over the hem of her glasses, but makes no comment, instead taking another moment to examine ‘Arthour.’ “I should take him with me and give him to Equius.”

“Please, don’t. I don’t want to be partially responsible for him dehydrating in a wave of embarrassed sweat.”

“Don’t exaggerate, it would be great. Here,” Harley stands and passes out of sight for a moment. PuppetMaster moves as well.

“Harley, what the hell are you doing.”

Harley returns to her seat with an armful of smuppets. One is bright blue, one is green, another purple. PuppetMaster picks up the blue one.

“Don’t tell me. Equius.”

“Ha! Yes! And Nepeta and Gamzee.” She lifts the green and purple smuppets in turn, naming each of them.

PuppetMaster, turning the blue puppet over in his hands, lets out a soft chuckle. IRC is enraptured. Harley, not even remotely capable at puppeteering, still manages to maneuver the ‘Nepeta’ in one hand and the ‘Gamzee’ in the other.

“Gamzee my bestest murderclown furr-eind, what shall we do today?” Harley’s voice squeaks in a kittenish lilt as she moves the ‘Nepeta’ to face the ‘Gamzee.’ Her voice then drops to a low mockery of a masculine voice. “My bitchtits kitten sister, we are going to initiate some motherfucking miracles, honk honk honk. Same shit we do every night.”

PuppetMaster snorts, piloting the ‘Equius’ towards the ‘Gamzee.’ “Highblood, that is not appropriate language.”

“Oh shit, it’s the meowners police!”  Harley lilts, before cutting in with ‘Gamzee,’ “Come and get your chill on, my fine blue brother, we got a motherfucking surprise for you. Oops, I mean mothergentlylovemaking. Honk.”

Irc explodes as PuppetMaster barks out a laugh. Leaning forward so that part of his face is visible in quarter profile. He’s grinning. The poker face is no longer sacred. His shoulders are shaking and Harley is laughing as well. PuppetMaster lifts the ‘Equius’ puppet again and has it shake its head in solemn grace. “Highblood, I am in no mood for a repeat of the last sopor incident. Unless… that was an order…”

“Don’t worry nyan, Meowquius! Look, we’ve brought somenyan to meet you!” Harley has the ‘Nepeta’ and ‘Gamzee’ do a little flourish with their spindly puppet arms (and it isn’t terrible for an amateur)  and reveal the ‘Arthour’ smuppet. PuppetMaster manipulates the ‘Equius’ in such a way that it looks like it is dying from pure joy. It flies forward, embraces the ‘Arthour,’ and promptly sends it flying out of the camera’s range. Harley lets out a whoop of laughter and cries, “STRONG hugs! The strongest!”

Their laughter continues for a few moments, but is broken by the tinny sound of a doorbell. PuppetMaster rises from his seat, shaking his head, one hand pushing under his shades as if to wipe away tears of mirth. The IRC commentary goes nuclear with speculation over whether the shades may, indeed, come off, as well as disappointment that the shenanigans are being interrupted. He returns shortly, followed by two guests. One is a grinning, male clone of Harley, tall and handsome and wearing a heavy blue jacket and a GhostBusters t-shirt that saw better days in the early 90s. The other is, to the absolute shock of the IRC peanut gallery and any viewer of PlushRumps, resembles PuppetMaster so closely that if it wasn’t for the difference of age they could be twins. His rounded shades reflect the camera’s light for a minute and the perfect Strider poker face is an image that sends many a fan of the PuppetMaster into fugues of longing. So this would be the eponymous ‘Bro’ the PuppetMaster spoke of, one Dave Strider,  and the other young man possibly being Harley’s brother, ‘John?’

“Hey, jerks, I thought you were abandoning us,” Harley is saying, swinging sideways in her chair to give the younger Strider a fistbump. He shrugs after the customary greeting and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket. His face is turned square to the camera.

“Bro,” He says, and there is the faintest ghost of a frown on his face. “I ask you this in completely unironic brotherly concern; what the fuck were you two streaming?”

There is a moment of pregnant silence.

“What?” PuppetMaster asks, offscreen. The younger strider nods towards the camera. PuppetMaster walks into the frame, head turning to match his brother’s gaze. The sound of a million printscreen buttons is heard rippling across the internet.

PuppetMaster then lunges forward, slapping his hand over the camera’s aperture. The video feed cuts off, but the microphone continues.

 “Shit! God damn son of a motherfuck!”

“You didn’t even know that was on, did you,” young Strider’s voice is heard. Harley starts laughing.

“Holy shit, you got all that on tape?” She whoops out another laugh.

“I didn’t know it was on! Devilfucking _Christ_ Harl, I’m sorry.”

“Why the hell would you be sorry? I want a copy of that in a box with a bow, Bro!”

“No it was – son of a bitch the livestream was on!”

A yet unheard fourth voice pipes up, “Bro, did you just film my sister fondling puppets for your porn site?”

“OH JESUS!” Harley shouts, and she’s laughing even harder. John laughs with her, and the microphone goes static for a moment until they calm down.

“Happy fucking birthday to me,” Dave is heard saying, his voice a drawl not unlike his brother’s. “Guess what, Dave Strider, your brother just turned your best friend into an internet porn harlot. All I asked for was a radio flyer wagon, Bro, you didn’t have to go so above and beyond.

The microphone feed abruptly cuts out.

An hour later, timaeusTestified logs into the IRC. The chatter stops respectfully.

After a few moments,

**TT: After taking into consideration your comments on this evening’s livestream, I of course will relay your happy birthday wishes to… Miss Harley. However, let it be known that she will not indeed be a regular feature on this site nor**

**TT: sadfljk;sadfwer**

**TT:weioun**

**TT: Hi everyone!**

**TT: This is Harley speaking; I’ve taken over Bro’s keyboard since he’s suddenly suffered some kind of blunt force trauma to the head for being a jerk! What caused it? Who knows, it’s a total mystery.**

**TT: anyway, thanks so much for wishing me a happy birthday! I had a lot of fun, though I wish I’d known I was sharing it with all of you, too!**

**TT: uh-oh, he’s getting up again. Anyway, see you all next time! :)**

There is another moment of silence. IRC waits with baited breath.

**TT: Apparently I am mistaken.**

**TT: Miss Harley will return next week to continue the adventures with our little friends.**

/--

08/25/2012

**Author's Note:**

> Ahahahahaha  
> hahaha  
> what.  
> There will be more of this bullshit at tehfawx.tumblr.com as well.


End file.
